Perfectionism

This past weekend I met up with a friend at the Crocker Art Museum to hang out and do a casual photoshoot. Over the last few months I've been actively putting myself "out there" into the ether as a professional photographer and earlier in the week I posted to Instagram and Facebook about a meet up on Saturday for a fun shoot. 

Sara and I met through Arden Hot Yoga. She's a teacher and business woman and all around lovely friend to have. We've talked over the last couple months about scheduling a formal shoot to get her some headshots and material to use in promoting her teaching and workshops, but she shared she's been held back by a common fear I think we all have when it comes to having our pictures taken and social media: perfectionism. Not in the sense that she is a perfectionist, but as in the pressure to be perfect in your photos and captions and whit is so overwhelming, that it's easier to stay small and secluded, instead of promoting your skills and passions. 

It's the same pressure I feel to be a perfect photographer, to know all the things about aperture and exposer and ISO. It's the pressure I put on myself to build up my own following and gain attention for my work, without it being in a narcissistic or self-serving way. It's the pressure I feel to find influential people to partner with, but to still keep it real and intimate and more about the human connection than the popularity boost. 

There's some inspirational quote out there that says something like, you'll never experience the beauty of the world if you don't let go of the shore. Cheesy, but true. We'll never know the full extent of our power, creativity, vulnerability, influence, etc. if we don't first put ourselves into uncomfortable and challenging situations. Those moments when you can be completely comfortable and confident with where you're at and what you have-those are some of the sweetest moments in this whole experience of life...

xxo

If I'm Being Honest

I grew up watching Mary-Kate and Ashley, Lindsay Lohan, A Little Princess, The Secret Garden, Matilda, and Madeline. I am 100% sure this is why I want to work with young girls and women. And, to be honest, I've fantasized about working at a boarding school in Paris somewhere just like in Madeline, where I mentor a little girl and make those important emotional connections. 

I'm sitting here watching The Parent Trap (the Lindsay Lohan version, of course) and realizing just what an impact these movies have had on my life. I love the short scenes at the beginning of the movie where the "girls" (side note, who else was shocked when they found out that Lindsay in fact did NOT have a twin?!) are making new friends and having a great time at camp. I loved how in Madeline all of the girls slept in the same large room and navigated different peer relationships. I love the stories the little girl told in A Little Princess (even though at 28 it still makes me cry every time when she's trying to get her amnesiac father to recognize her). 

Sure, some girls have an experience with a doctor at a young age and want to go into medicine. Some girls are impacted by an ill family member, others have a family member in the armed forces and grow up wanting to serve their country. Still others grow up with examples of self-starters and entrepreneurs and want to go into business...

I grew up watching movies of unrealistic summer camp/boarding school experiences and wanted to become a den mother. Same/Same. 

xxo

The Universe is Conspiring For You

One of my yoga teachers says, "The Universe is conspiring for you, not against you." So often we think we're being "tested" by God. But I don't think God tests us. I choose to think that things are working in a way that is supposed to challenge us, but also uplift us. These "tests" show us the strength we have within that we might not otherwise have been witness to. 

It feels very vulnerable and scary to put yourself out there into the Universe and trust that things will work out in your favor eventually. I felt nervous and self-conscious posting last week on my Instagram that I'm available for photoshoots. It felt presumptuous to assume my work is good enough to gain the attention of others, and then to have someone pay me for it. 

But, as it so often does, the starts aligned and I found myself encouraged and surprised by the interest that post received. I spent an afternoon last week with Caroline. We met as new coaches for Girls On The Run Sacramento and have spent the last three months taking a rowdy, sassy, and endearing group of 3rd-5th grade girls through the GOTR program. 

Caroline is a writer and was looking for new content to include on both her website and Instagram. Her enthusiasm for the whole process was contagious. She is a natural goof and has very little shame in making a fool out of herself. I envy people with these traits-to not worry so much about what others think of you must be very freeing. 

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to push myself-both emotionally in offering my services, and technically in photographing someone other than myself or the trips that I go on. And even if Caroline is the only client I book, I know that had I not spoken up, had I not taken that leap of trust and faith in the process, I never would have felt this particular pride and excitement.

xxo