To My 18 Year Old Self

My little brother graduated from high school yesterday. It was a surreal experience for me. He is ten years younger than me. And although I call him my little brother, he is much taller than I am and has been for years now. I remember the excitement I felt at that point in time-finally finishing high school, ready to move on to college, not knowing how difficult life as an adult can be. This is an open letter to my much younger self, on the cusp of adulthood and college and so much more...

Dear Kelly,

What an accomplishment! I know you are excited to move on from high school. But I want you to take a few moments to recognize your place of privilege. I know that it seems obvious that you would be graduating high school. Your worries were always, can I maintain a 4.0, will I get into a good college, will I get a boyfriend before I graduate...But there are so many kids out there with far greater worries and stressors in life. Instead of fretting about grades, they're stressed about getting enough food, or their electricity shutting off, someone leaving for the day and never coming home, an abusive parent or caregiver...Graduating from high school is not always a given, or a right, for everyone. You are so fortunate to have a family that supported and encouraged you unconditionally along the way. 

The friends that you had in high school will not be the same friends you have as a adult. And that is ok. Life moves you in different directions. The important people in your life will stick. Those few people know who you are, and they love you anyways. Remember that those few meaningful relationships are better for you than having numerous surface level friendships. You guard your heart pretty fiercely. Trust few, but be open to many. 

College will bring its own challenges and excitement. Do not get caught up in comparing your university to theirs. You are meant to walk your own path, as are they. You are meant to be on a specific university campus with peers and professors that will play parts in your life you may never fully recognize. Do your best to settle your lonesome and envious heart. You are here for a reason, and hopefully one day you will see that more clearly. 

Work hard. Take risks. Be brave, and be compassionate. When the weight of responsibilities gets you down, reach out for advice and wisdom from those who have gone before you. Do not open a credit card. Live the broke life and learn about yourself in the process. These years of struggle and stretching yourself thin will teach you so much. Do not compare your story to someone else's. No one has it all figured out. And if you think they do, they are either fooling you, or themselves. Everyone is scared. Everyone is lonely. Everyone wants more love and less doubt. Everyone is deserving of love and kindness. 

Open your heart and your mind-intellectually, spiritually, socially. Be open to new experiences. You do not have to play the role of the good girl or live up to impossible standards of perfection. Life is messy. Even those messy parts can be fun. Do not judge others for living differently than you. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you let go of judgement and the need to be in the right, the sooner you will attract people into your life through love. You never know the battles someone else has faced. Do your best to give benefit of the doubt, to give second chances, to act instead of react, and to listen and be present. 

This life is hard. This life is uncertain. Stay true to your heart. Get into a little bit of mischief. Push yourself in every area of life. Mess up. Fail. Get down and dirty. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is life. This is growth. This is being present. 

Yours Truly,

xxo

McKinley Rose Garden

Man, migraines are not joke. I got hit hard with my first migraine Monday afternoon and it had me down for the count. It's been on my mind a lot lately the amount of time I spend on my computer and my phone, especially with how much photo editing I've been doing. I know I need to get a larger monitor to do my editing so that my eyes aren't straining as much. But this recent migraine-whether or not it was due to screen time-has me even more motivated to dedicate specific, limited time to picture editing and social media.

Last Friday I got to photograph a friend's sweet daughter. She recently got her braces off and this photo session was a gift to celebrate it. I remember when I got my braces off and wanting to cheese in every photo op. It was so nice to work with MacKenzie. She was focused and open to my direction. She was silly and genuine, and she brought her own ideas and style. 

xxo

Creative Mornings

Last Friday I had the pleasure of working with Creative Mornings Sacramento to photograph their meeting on Serendipity. I first heard about CM Sac from my friend Allie a couple months ago. The first meeting I was able to attend was titled, "Taboo." This past month was Serendipity. The cool thing is, thousands of people are gathering around the globe each month to discuss a specific topic. Creative Mornings is international, and we're so lucky to have our own chapter here in Sacramento. The more I put myself out there-in the community, in the ether, in this life-the more I realize how awesome my city is. 

See you there next month, creative people.

xxo

Darling

A couple years ago on a weekend trip to Seattle I discovered Darling Magazine. Darling is all about "the art of being a woman". None of their models are retouched. There are various body shapes and sizes; races and ethnicities. The articles in Darling are thoughtful and meaty-I've learned something about myself with each issue. 

With that being said, actually reading through each one is a lengthy process. When I first starting reading Darling I was still in school, reading endless articles and writing masterfully b.s.'ed papers...I hardly had time to relax and take a breath, so reading for myself wasn't a high priority. But now that I'm basically unemployed and in the final stages of my thesis, I still find myself turning to Netflix or HBO instead of reading. It's one of those things that are so good for you, but also not your first instinct because we so often deflect and self-sooth by distracting ourselves. 

With the most recent issue of Darling I'm doing my best to dive in. I was reminded of why I love it so much. It's a magazine for women. It's about both challenging and uplifting the reader. Darling is about learning and growing and knowing yourself and being comfortable with your self. It's little, but I love the fact that they use feminine pronouns. One day, I would be so honored to work for Darling. It encompasses everything I'm about: connection, creativity, femininity, and sense of self.

xxo

If I'm Being Honest

I grew up watching Mary-Kate and Ashley, Lindsay Lohan, A Little Princess, The Secret Garden, Matilda, and Madeline. I am 100% sure this is why I want to work with young girls and women. And, to be honest, I've fantasized about working at a boarding school in Paris somewhere just like in Madeline, where I mentor a little girl and make those important emotional connections. 

I'm sitting here watching The Parent Trap (the Lindsay Lohan version, of course) and realizing just what an impact these movies have had on my life. I love the short scenes at the beginning of the movie where the "girls" (side note, who else was shocked when they found out that Lindsay in fact did NOT have a twin?!) are making new friends and having a great time at camp. I loved how in Madeline all of the girls slept in the same large room and navigated different peer relationships. I love the stories the little girl told in A Little Princess (even though at 28 it still makes me cry every time when she's trying to get her amnesiac father to recognize her). 

Sure, some girls have an experience with a doctor at a young age and want to go into medicine. Some girls are impacted by an ill family member, others have a family member in the armed forces and grow up wanting to serve their country. Still others grow up with examples of self-starters and entrepreneurs and want to go into business...

I grew up watching movies of unrealistic summer camp/boarding school experiences and wanted to become a den mother. Same/Same. 

xxo