Sometimes I Do Cool Things With Cool People

Last weekend I had the opportunity to do some exploring with photographers and videographers of some local trails. We started in Auburn and ended up with the El Dorado National Forest. It was so beautiful. A long day. But man is it incredible to witness the astounding nature in our own "backyard." I love living in Northern California and all of the adventure that is so easily within reach.

xxo

These gorgeous pics are from the insanely talented and passionate Glenn Robinson

Contemplation

Too much free time is a dangerous thing for me. So is packing my schedule so full that I don't take care of myself. When I have unscheduled time, or not much on my to-do list I feel antsy and anxious. I start feeling frustrated with where I'm at, what I don't have, what I want, and then I start feeling guilty for feeling sorry for myself and wanting more. When I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I like it, but it inevitably burns me out and ends with literal physical illness, or a complete mental and emotional breakdown. 

Finding and walking the middle path is a daily challenge. One I know I'll work through for the rest of my life. Through the good, the bad, the ugly, the exciting, the trying, through every experience I want to be present and aware; open and full of conviction; brave and vulnerable. 

xxo

Saturn's Return

As I get closer to my birthday this month I'm diving deeper into readings on Saturn's Return. This is an astrological period of life when the planet Saturn completes its orbit around the Sun, coinciding with the time of our birth. This happens about every 29.5 years, which means this period typically impacts your life the first time when you're somewhere between 27 - 32 years old. 

According to Emily Trinkaus with Tarot.com, Saturn is the cosmic task-master, the demanding teacher who presents you with obstacles and challenges so you can gain strength and wisdom. Saturn represents what is important to you, and shows the goals you are here to pursue based on your values. It's the tough love planet whose lessons can feel harsh. However, whatever losses you experience during your Saturn Return are really helping you in the long run, compelling you to come into integrity with your truth.

This month I'll turn 29, pretty much putting my smack-dab in the middle of my Saturn's Return season. I've also been doing more research on my astrological sign. Capricorns tend to be successful, over-achieving, and a bit up-tight. All true of my personality and life in general. Capricorns have a fierce drive for success, are strong minded and mature. They're competitive, and they love when a solid structure is put into place. Capricorns often wish to take care of everything themselves (I am a self-proclaimed control freak), can be materialistic and snobbish (guilty), but can also be extremely generous. It's amazing to me how spot on these descriptions are. I've always been competitive, I like to take charge, but also have structure in place. I tend to be impulsive and impatient with the things I want. At the same time, I like to think I am extremely generous with those that I love (working on the part related to those that I don't love...). 

Shannon Kaiser wrote a piece for the Huffington Post about Saturn's Return. She writes that all of the things you have outgrown or no longer want are coming loose durning this period so you can step into a revised version of yourself. The last two years have seen an incredible amount of change in my life. Although initiated by me for the most part, these changes were painful and lonely. But they also did just what they were meant to do - they shook things up, broke things down, and created space for new endeavors and challenges to rise to. 

Saturn's Return is all about exploration, learning, and deep inner reflection. Funny enough, they're all things I've been working on focusing on in my life the last couple years. Guess I'm on the right path:)

xxo

The Nature of Things

I've found myself getting into film photography lately, using the same KS Super II 35mm my dad used to take our pictures growing up. Film for me so far has been about the little moments, capturing parts of my day, things in nature, that will remind me of a moment in time.

I've got a lot to learn about film. And I think that's one of the reasons I love it so much: it's a creative challenge. It's also teaching me A LOT about patience. And if you read this blog regularly, you'll know that's a general life struggle for me. Some pictures turn out exactly how I want them. Others are more blurry or not quite what I saw in my mind or through the lens. But I love those ones just the same. 

xxo 

Authentic and True

I've been reading through the latest issue of Darling Magazine that I started on a recent trip to Pt Reyes. I've been a Darling reader for years now. I love their mission and manifesto. I love the content of the magazine and the fact that none of the models are retouched. This year they'll be coming out with a documentary called self(i.e.). This film explores self portraits, and the culture around it. There's an article about it in the magazine's latest issue, and this part of it really struck me:

...We accept and affirm images and moments as real, when the truth is that they are often anything but. The open secret we all know to be true is that the social spaces have evolved beyond simple methods to share unique moments and images to platforms where we aspire to our best selves, often blurring, literally and figuratively, the real image and moment for one that is altered to be more beautiful, happier, more successful, more perfect.

My goal with photography is to capture the real and authentic moments. My goal with photography is to help women realize their beauty within, and their outward beauty. It feels like you have to fall into one extreme or the other. You can love yourself and come off as self-important or vain. Or you can pick yourself apart and come across as insecure and self-loathing. We need more conversation around self-care and self-empowerment - not to be dependent on accomplishments or accolades or what you do or don't do. We should feel proud do the little things and the big things. We should recognize the areas we need/want to improve physically, mentally, spiritually. We need to lift others up and come along side those that are struggling. 

Photography has helped me make new connections and important friendships. It's also brought out a confidence in myself, both behind the camera and in front of the camera. It's helped me learn how to speak up for myself, how to reach out for help, and how to share my voice literally and creatively. So here's to going into the new year with awareness and authenticity.

xxo