I met
Marissa at Inspire Midtown's Minute Mentoring event in January. Marissa is this bolt of energy and authenticity. She received me so warmly at the event, made space in her evening later that week to meet up for dinner and talk about where I'm at on my path and my job search, and has continued to be a friend and encourager.
What is a recent book
or article that you’ve read that has challenged your thinking, inspired you, or
changed you?
I’m an avid reader. Right now I’m reading one that’s hard to
get through because I cry in every chapter. It’s called
Tattoos on the Heart,
by Father Greg Boyle. He started Homeboy Industries in L.A. years ago. I think
what’s challenging me is that I’m an empathizer, so when I hear people’ s
stories I really take them on. I’ll hear the same stories over and over and
become frustrated with the systems that have let people down. So I see the
systems and not the person sometimes. I think it’s just the way my brain works.
My brain works with systems and business and integration. So when I hear their
stories, I see the systemic issues that have impacted their lives.
Father Greg is able to look at the person and hear their story, but not let it
overwhelm him. He can see the person for who they are, where they’re at, and
calls them to be who they are meant to be. So instead of feeding into the
emotion of it all, he really just stops and looks at them. And they could still
be gangbanging, have just shot someone, or are currently on drugs, and he just
calls them out for what they could be: clean, sober, holding down a job,
letting go of past decisions and moving forward. That’s something I’m really
trying to incorporate into my daily life and my work life. I want to be able to
call out the goodness in people and then walk along side them.
Who is an influencer
in your life?
My mom. People will ask me why the work I’m doing right now
is my dream job. It’s because I watched her struggle while I grew up and even
as a nine-year-old I knew this isn’t fair or just and there has to be another
way to get by. She worked her ass off. She worked seven days a week my whole
childhood to make sure bills were paid, dinner-that she prepared-was on the
table, we all got to practices on time and got to do extracurricular
activities. No one ever went without. But it’s all because she just never rested.
And I don’t think that was healthy. But what she taught me
is the hustle. She had so much heart. She didn’t do all of these things for
personal gain. She did it because she was dealt the hand she was dealt-and some
of it was due to choices she had made-and she chose to hustle to give my
siblings and me a chance at something different.
It’s been so inbred in me to hustle of behalf of others.
Watching her do it in an unhealthy way though has taught me to establish
boundaries and I’ve learned how to take care of myself.
How do you practice
self-care?
Yoga is one way. I’m big on physical fitness. And my
self-care starts in the morning so that I can expend heart and mind throughout
the day. I wake up around 5am and will spend time reading and working out. Breakfast
is the one meal I’ll always cook. Breakfast is so important and I make sure to
sit down to it for my alone time. That space really allows me to then give
myself to others throughout the day.
What does feminism
mean to you?
We don’t have to follow the same path. We have the ability
to choose. It’s totally ok if I am 27 years old and don’t want to be married
yet with kids. I think mentally and physically I could handle it all. But there
are still a lot of things I want to put my hands to.
I went to the ballet last night and realized I want to see
this movement for men of what it looks like to not have to be dominant and
within a specific role that society has created.
Feminism to me means we’re not bound to a social structure.
I think we’re unique in our making and how we work. But it expresses itself
differently from one woman to another woman and from one man to another man. We
can embark on our individual pursuit of happiness.
And there’s so much
variation, even just from city to city, of what those expectations are for the
sexes.
Yeah. I went to a private Christian college and there’s the
phrase, “ring by spring.” It’s all about finding a husband by the spring
semester. And I was adamantly against this. I did my senior project on the anti
“ring by spring” rhetoric.
I’m still part of the Christian community that might sometimes put this
pressure on young people to get married. But I’m hoping to show what it looks
like to embrace roles and differences,
but to not let those differences define who we are and what we do.
Do you have a
favorite quote or mantra that you try to live your life by?
“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter
everyday epiphanies-those transcendent moments of awe.” –John Milton
I feel like when I embraced my background and my story and
all these different things about myself, it allowed me to have reverence for
those different places in my life.
I embrace that I’m bossy and I’ve stopped apologizing for
it. I embrace that I’m both a feminist and a Christian. I embrace the fact that
I didn’t come from the cleanest home. If we live in these pockets of shame,
like Brene Brown says, vulnerability just opens up the world to us. When we
start to peel off all those layers of shame, and have gratitude for the good
and the bad, it creates space for these pivotal moments of awe.
What are you most
passionate about?
Empowerment. I realized recently that one of my favorite
things to do is to find out what other people want to do, what their dreams
are, and then help get them there. I hope that wherever I go I’m empowering
people to be who they are and to be excited
about it. Worse case scenario, you find out it’s something you don’t want
to do, and you’ve learned something. It uncovers this bravery inside of you
when you do something you wouldn’t normally do.
I hope to be an encourager.
How are you an agent
for empowerment and feminism, and those things that are important at your core?
I started a new job this year with
City of Refuge as the Director
of Operations. I helped start a program called
SHINE where we go into schools
and talk about strength, worth, and purpose with girls 4
th-12
th
grade. We started in just one school, and now SHINE is in six schools. In doing
this program I realized each of these girls is so unique. I knew I was
passionate about it because I didn’t mind giving up my lunch hour to go to a
meeting, or giving up my evenings to prep materials, or having to work a longer
day on Fridays so that during the week I could be on these campuses with the
girls. I loved that space.
The girls are walking away hearing something they might not
get anywhere else. And they’re learning it together. So you’re sitting next to
forty nine other girls who go to school with you on a daily basis who probably
know parts of your story-whether you want them to or not. And within those
fifty girls, they’re all part of different cliques. At SHINE get to take off
all these labels and get to the three pillars of strength, worth, and purpose,
and to create space for them to really see that in one another. We do a lot of
small group discussions in order to bring these girls face-to-face with what
someone else’s reality is, and it changes the way these girls interact with one
another, and it changes the way they even treat themselves. They have a little
more grace for their sisters, and then in turn for themselves.
Finish this sentence:
I am _______________.
I am silly.
I am brave.
I am hardworking.
I am kind.
Marissa has your back.
xxo
