I met Marissa at Inspire Midtown's Minute Mentoring event in January. Marissa is this bolt of energy and authenticity. She received me so warmly at the event, made space in her evening later that week to meet up for dinner and talk about where I'm at on my path and my job search, and has continued to be a friend and encourager.

What is a recent book or article that you’ve read that has challenged your thinking, inspired you, or changed you?

I’m an avid reader. Right now I’m reading one that’s hard to get through because I cry in every chapter. It’s called Tattoos on the Heart, by Father Greg Boyle. He started Homeboy Industries in L.A. years ago. I think what’s challenging me is that I’m an empathizer, so when I hear people’ s stories I really take them on. I’ll hear the same stories over and over and become frustrated with the systems that have let people down. So I see the systems and not the person sometimes. I think it’s just the way my brain works. My brain works with systems and business and integration. So when I hear their stories, I see the systemic issues that have impacted their lives.

Father Greg is able to look at the person and hear their story, but not let it overwhelm him. He can see the person for who they are, where they’re at, and calls them to be who they are meant to be. So instead of feeding into the emotion of it all, he really just stops and looks at them. And they could still be gangbanging, have just shot someone, or are currently on drugs, and he just calls them out for what they could be: clean, sober, holding down a job, letting go of past decisions and moving forward. That’s something I’m really trying to incorporate into my daily life and my work life. I want to be able to call out the goodness in people and then walk along side them.

Who is an influencer in your life?

My mom. People will ask me why the work I’m doing right now is my dream job. It’s because I watched her struggle while I grew up and even as a nine-year-old I knew this isn’t fair or just and there has to be another way to get by. She worked her ass off. She worked seven days a week my whole childhood to make sure bills were paid, dinner-that she prepared-was on the table, we all got to practices on time and got to do extracurricular activities. No one ever went without. But it’s all because she just never rested.

And I don’t think that was healthy. But what she taught me is the hustle. She had so much heart. She didn’t do all of these things for personal gain. She did it because she was dealt the hand she was dealt-and some of it was due to choices she had made-and she chose to hustle to give my siblings and me a chance at something different.

It’s been so inbred in me to hustle of behalf of others. Watching her do it in an unhealthy way though has taught me to establish boundaries and I’ve learned how to take care of myself.

How do you practice self-care?

Yoga is one way. I’m big on physical fitness. And my self-care starts in the morning so that I can expend heart and mind throughout the day. I wake up around 5am and will spend time reading and working out. Breakfast is the one meal I’ll always cook. Breakfast is so important and I make sure to sit down to it for my alone time. That space really allows me to then give myself to others throughout the day.

What does feminism mean to you?

We don’t have to follow the same path. We have the ability to choose. It’s totally ok if I am 27 years old and don’t want to be married yet with kids. I think mentally and physically I could handle it all. But there are still a lot of things I want to put my hands to.

I went to the ballet last night and realized I want to see this movement for men of what it looks like to not have to be dominant and within a specific role that society has created.

Feminism to me means we’re not bound to a social structure. I think we’re unique in our making and how we work. But it expresses itself differently from one woman to another woman and from one man to another man. We can embark on our individual pursuit of happiness.

And there’s so much variation, even just from city to city, of what those expectations are for the sexes.

Yeah. I went to a private Christian college and there’s the phrase, “ring by spring.” It’s all about finding a husband by the spring semester. And I was adamantly against this. I did my senior project on the anti “ring by spring” rhetoric.

I’m still part of the Christian community that might sometimes put this pressure on young people to get married. But I’m hoping to show what it looks like to embrace roles and differences, but to not let those differences define who we are and what we do.

Do you have a favorite quote or mantra that you try to live your life by?

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies-those transcendent moments of awe.” –John Milton

I feel like when I embraced my background and my story and all these different things about myself, it allowed me to have reverence for those different places in my life.

I embrace that I’m bossy and I’ve stopped apologizing for it. I embrace that I’m both a feminist and a Christian. I embrace the fact that I didn’t come from the cleanest home. If we live in these pockets of shame, like Brene Brown says, vulnerability just opens up the world to us. When we start to peel off all those layers of shame, and have gratitude for the good and the bad, it creates space for these pivotal moments of awe.

What are you most passionate about?

Empowerment. I realized recently that one of my favorite things to do is to find out what other people want to do, what their dreams are, and then help get them there. I hope that wherever I go I’m empowering people to be who they are and to be excited about it. Worse case scenario, you find out it’s something you don’t want to do, and you’ve learned something. It uncovers this bravery inside of you when you do something you wouldn’t normally do.

I hope to be an encourager.

How are you an agent for empowerment and feminism, and those things that are important at your core?

I started a new job this year with City of Refuge as the Director of Operations. I helped start a program called SHINE where we go into schools and talk about strength, worth, and purpose with girls 4^th-12^th grade. We started in just one school, and now SHINE is in six schools. In doing this program I realized each of these girls is so unique. I knew I was passionate about it because I didn’t mind giving up my lunch hour to go to a meeting, or giving up my evenings to prep materials, or having to work a longer day on Fridays so that during the week I could be on these campuses with the girls. I loved that space.

The girls are walking away hearing something they might not get anywhere else. And they’re learning it together. So you’re sitting next to forty nine other girls who go to school with you on a daily basis who probably know parts of your story-whether you want them to or not. And within those fifty girls, they’re all part of different cliques. At SHINE get to take off all these labels and get to the three pillars of strength, worth, and purpose, and to create space for them to really see that in one another. We do a lot of small group discussions in order to bring these girls face-to-face with what someone else’s reality is, and it changes the way these girls interact with one another, and it changes the way they even treat themselves. They have a little more grace for their sisters, and then in turn for themselves.

Finish this sentence: I am _______________.

I am silly.

I am brave.

I am hardworking.

I am kind.

Marissa has your back.

xxo