I am now officially unemployed. What a strange feeling. I have worked since I was 15, whether it be part time in high school, multiple jobs through undergrad, nannying, substitute teaching, and most recently, for the past four years, in admissions at a private high school.

As I get ready to enter my third (and final) year of grad school, I’m unable to maintain a full time job while completing my fieldwork and taking four classes. I have always fantasized about being able to be a full time student. As I moved out at 19 and became responsible for my own bills, I never had that experience in undergrad. And as I went through my first master’s program I was still able to work 35 hours/week as a nanny.

The two master’s programs I’ve been in are incredibly different from one another. My child development program was research and writing focused. My current counseling program is more reflective and experientially based. Last semester we worked with real clients in the community for the first time. I had four clients that I saw each week via Zoom. This upcoming semester I will be expected to maintain 10 clients per week in order to meet my hours requirement. In addition, there is required supervision for two hours per week, along with seminar for two hours per week in the clinic’s main therapy modality. I’m so thankful for these supports. But it will also require a great deal of my attention and energy, and I know I will need to be mindful of how I spend my time. I am an introvert through and through. I know that alone time fills me up. Walks around the neighborhood help me decompress. Making things with my hands through sewing makes me happy. Shooting film helps me slow down.

Working full time, even part time, isn’t conducive to my schedule for this final year of school. I feel really ready to leave my job. Over the years it has become more difficult to reconcile my own thoughts and beliefs with my employer’s, as it is a Catholic institution. It is important for me to be able to speak my truth and to share that with others when asked. There are certain things I wasn’t allowed to talk about or share in my previous position without the risk of losing my job. Moving on to my fieldwork site will be a full 180 turn, as I will be working with the LGBTQ+ population and with peers and colleagues who are working towards similar goals as I am.

That being said, I’m also incredibly anxious about the fact that I’ll be living off of student loans. This next year will be a challenge for me to really stick to a budget and be super mindful of how I spend my money. But it’s also a welcome challenge, and one that I wish I had risen to years ago. I’m nervous to have more down time on my hands (at least until my semester starts at the end of August). I do best when I am busy. More space means more time to think and feel and while I generally try to lean into those things, too much of it can overwhelm me. I’m nervous about working with a population I’ve never worked with. But grateful to step into a queer affirming community and finding my place in it.

I’m incredibly grateful for the ability to be in graduate school (for the second time), and to have the support system and safety net to be able to leave my job and focus fully on school. I know not everyone has this opportunity and I never want to take that for granted.