When the movie Selma first came out, my older brother and I tried to go see it in the theaters. About five minutes into the showing, someone had a medical emergency. Paramedics were called and the movie was stopped, and we didn’t get to view the movie that day.

Earlier this past week, my brother texted me that he and his wife had watched it and that it was incredible. It’s free to rent on Amazon Prime right now (thank you Ava DuVernay for your generosity in making your films so accessible right now). This movie floored me. The parallels to what is going on right now. The performances from each and every actor. The direction and vision of Ava DuVernay. I finished the film and texted my brother right away…”Wow. I think I cried at least five times.” He said they did as well.

It’s painful to watch reenactments of people hating someone and causing harm to their body, mind, and spirit. It’s even harder to watch actual footage of events like this, whether they were decades ago, or moments ago with the current protests and rallies. I think this is one reason I never seriously dove into learning more about personal accounts of the Civil Rights Movement. When I watched 12 Years a Slave years ago, it was incredibly difficult, painful, and draining to watch, knowing that this was common. And yet, I find myself drawn to reading personal stories and accounts of Jewish people in concentration camps and during Hitler’s reign…

I also just finished Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Again, I am beginning to see the anger and frustration that POC must feel, knowing that these tragedies keep repeating themselves, people keep getting murdered, with no consequence for the murderers. There were so many parts of this book that I wanted to underline. I felt like I would have highlighted almost all of his words of wisdom. The section where he describes his trips to Paris fascinated me. He was in such awe and wonder of this new place, and yet he couldn’t fully relax because his conditioning in America to always be on the defense stayed with him, even abroad.

Last year I started riding the bus to work once or twice a week. I remember overhearing a conversation of another rider, a Black man, talking on his phone to a friend about a recent trip to the UK. He said something along the lines of feeling safer in London than he does in America. His words struck me then and have obviously stayed with me. I cannot imagine feeling unsafe in my day-to-day life. Yes, there are moments when I feel anxious about being a woman alone on a walk. But that momentary fear or anxiety isn’t from the police, the men and women I was taught are there to serve and protect me. To grow up being taught that those with power (and guns) are not really there to protect you, but to judge you and harm you…I can’t even begin to imagine the toll that takes on your nervous system.

In the week ahead I hope to dive into more podcasts. Emma Watson recently posted about this playlist with shows and episodes to listen to. I’ll report back next week with my reaction to more resources!

xxo