These are the last film shots I took on campus at Sacramento State before we transitioned to virtual learning. When I got them back from the lab this past week I was transported back to the day and moments I took each one, as I always am with film.

I remember this day being really difficult. It was a work holiday, so I got to campus quite early, thinking I would use the extra hours to get homework done. The weather was just starting to warm up, so I’d get comfortable in the cloud coverage, then the sun would arrive and warm me up too much. I moved around campus several times, trying to find just the right spot. Along the way I snapped these photographs.

At the time (and currently now, but for different reasons) I was struggling with motivation for one class in particular. I was annoyed at the format of how this professor chose to run the class. And overwhelmed by the statistical, dry content of the class. I remember thinking several times that day, “I do not want to be here right now.”

With this transition to virtual learning, I find I’m yearning even for the old experience of this class that has vexed me the entire semester. I miss being on campus. I miss seeing my classmates face-to-face, catching up in the hall before class, or making jokes in side conversations. I miss the routine of work, then school, then exercise. I miss the energy of thousands of students around me as I walked through campus.

I am also nervous that distance learning will have to continue into the fall semester. I wonder how I’ll handle that prolonged absence of in-class instruction and in-person interactions with my cohort and professors. I’m sure I’ll adjust, as I’m trying to do now. But I will also feel a deep sense of missing out. One of the many great things I’ve learned in my program though is that you can have two seemingly contradictory feelings or thoughts at the same time. I can be both grateful for my health and wellness, and be mourning the loss of the old, familiar, and comfortable.