I spent last week completely offline from Instagram. And although it was tempting during the slower times of my day to click open the app and browse through other peoples' lives, I managed to stick to my goal of a week without Instagram.

Over the weekend, when I logged back on, it just felt...empty. And not in the way it does when you don't see a ton of notifications of likes or comments. It felt empty in the sense that looking at what other people were doing/posting didn't fill me up in any way. There are specific accounts, like @bymariandrew who inspires me with her creativity, vulnerability, and reliability. Then there are accounts like @broadcity that make me laugh and provide steady content to DM to my bestie.

But in general, I think deep down, looking at the lives and adventures, thin bodies and seemingly expendable incomes of others does more harm than good. There is this natural draw for our work to gain attention. As a photographer I want other people to see my work and validate it and connect to it and tell me I'm doing a great job as I learn and grow in my craft. I also desire for others to want to work with me as I attempt to grow my business. It can feel overwhelming the amount of articles I read about different "side hustles," and the idea of turning the hustle into a full time job where you set your own hours and make your own rules and everything in life is fabulous.

But as I grow older, I get more and more clear on this fact: things are not always as they seem. The glamorous lives of "influencers" are the exceptions, not the rule. More often than not we have to work a job that maybe isn't always fulfilling or stimulating. But it pays the bills. And it has its beautiful moments. However, when you're constantly looking through the fabricated lens of someone else's life, it's harder and harder to see with that clarity.

Cultivating a sense of presence is something I will work on for my entire life. And life moves through seasons. Sometimes I love social media and the way it's brought people into my life, both personally and professionally. Other seasons I feel frustrated and empty about it.

I'm hoping that by staying mostly off Instagram I'll produce more content here. It's a hard call to make as a professional photographer...I need to stay current and relevant and active on social media. But I also need to trust the process and know that the clients I'm meant to work with will find me through the right mediums. I suppose I'm in a season of turning inward, of letting my creativity serve myself first, and then others. It's exciting to think about the opportunity for chrysalis, for turning in and growing and reemerging.

xxo