I recently came across this quote from Brene Brown:

'Crazy busy' is a great armor, it's a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we're feeling and what we really need can't catch up with us.

At the start of 2018 I made a resolution to not drink alcohol for a full year. This sounds daunting, especially if you enjoy winding down from the day with a couple glasses of wine like I did/do. I had been dry off and on the last couple years for a couple months at a time. I started in 2016, after I went through a traumatizing loss of important relationships in my life. I knew I was going through a lot, and I didn't want to use alcohol to lessen the pain. I knew I had to sit with it, and alcohol was an easy way out.

In no way do I identify myself as an alcoholic. I could have just as easily been using sex, or drugs, or exercising, or eating, or any other number of habits to cope with the uncomfortable feelings. But let's face it, I'm not dedicated, focused, or self-disciplined enough to use dieting or exercising to an extreme, and I thankfully have too much respect for my body to beat it down with drugs.

It's been just over three months now of the new year and my commitment to not drink alcohol. Really it only feels frustrating when I go out with friends and everyone else is drinking, or on a first date and a glass of wine would be wonderful to help the nerves. But that's kind of the point of the resolution: I want to feel things head on and in the moment.

Brene Brown calls out the undeniable reality that our society loves to be busy. This busyness covers up a whole slew of emotions and experiences we want to deny or put off. Now that I'm several months into sobriety, I'm working on limiting my screen time in the evenings. It's easy to put on a movie or television show I've seen a hundred times in the background while I'm making dinner or cleaning the house. It makes me feel less alone, I suppose, to hear the characters in the background. But I always feel better when I listen to jazz music while cooking and eating dinner. I feel more productive and stimulated when I read a book at night, instead of watching t.v. I sleep better when I don't scroll through my phone for thirty minutes after getting into bed.

Slowing down is not easy. I've consistently worked multiple jobs while going to college. I over commit and stretch myself thin. My motto for 2018 has been, "This is 29!" My birthday is in January, and I love that it coincides with the new year and new resolutions. This motto is encouraging me to be bold - to speak my mind, ask for what I want, be honest with what I need, and to practice self-care.

When I want to know if the guy that's flirting with me over text is actually into me in real life?

ASK HIM FLAT OUT, because THIS IS 29!

When I don't want to go out to happy hour because I feel uncomfortable at bars?

Say no thank you to the invitation, because THIS IS 29!

Want to grow my photography business and book more clients?

Self-promote without feeling self absorbed, because THIS IS 29!

xxo