I grew up on Disney princess movies like any other girl in my generation. And I like a nice Rom-Com, sic-fi, adventure movie just as much as the majority of Americans. But let’s be honest: there is WAY too much focus on men, and the “man saves his woman” ideal. I am a feminist; I believe men and women should be treated equally. But reconciling my feminism and romanticism has been a hard road to travel.

There is a Civil Wars lyric that has always hit me right in the gut. It’s from the song “I’ve Got This Friend.” They sing about a loveless romantic. The first time I heard this song and lyric I immediately thought, “That’s me, a loveless romantic.”

Subliminal messaging is so slick. It’s like the devil that pretends to be a friend or confidant, a comfort and encourager, then pulls the rug right out from under you.

Last night I was watching the 2012 remake of Total Recall with Colin Furth and Jessica Biel (HELLO elementary school flash back of watching “7th Heaven” religiously…[pun intended]). If you were to watch the movie purely for entertainment or as brain candy, your review would probably be that there was a strong female character in Jessica Biel, and probably even Kate Beckinsale. But here’s the thing…

When you watch it with a more critical eye, you see that in almost every scene Colin Firth and Jessica Biel are in, Colin’s character, Hauser, is protecting or helping or assisting Jessica’s character. EVERY.SINGEL.SCENE. He’s always shielding her, or grabbing onto her jacket or body to help her jump/run/escape. He grabs her hand to lead her down one hallway or the other. And we WANT him to…that’s the thing. We (read: I am) are so conditioned to want the man to be the protector and provider and one to make the tough decisions or to lead the way…And in the end (spoiler alert) (But not really, i mean, this isn’t Game of Thrones where the main characters get killed off in almost every episode!), he saves the “good girl” from the “bad bitch.” Actually, I’m not even sure we ever hear Jessica Biel’s character’s name in the entire movie…at first she’s known as the girls from Hauser’s dreams, then as a rebel fighter for team Matthius.

Other reviewers might write Beckinsale’s character off as a “bitch.” (oh how i HATE that word…but that is for another post). If Kate Beckinsale’s character were a man though, would the character get the same review? Would we define the character as a vindictive bitch? or would the character be a leader and powerful adversary if it were a man?

The double standard is both blatantly obvious, and so subtly weaved into our daily consumption.

I love Total Recall. Partly because I love Jessica Biel’s hair in the movie, partly because I love that it reminds me of watching Bond movies with my dad and brother growing up (and partly because I know I can put it on while I do the dishes or clean house and because I’ve watched it so many times and have it mostly memorized).

But if we are to be conscious participants in this culture and life, we must ask ourselves the harder questions…is this promoting gender equality? do I want to support it with my time, money, and energy? if not, how can I make a change and impact on the world around me, and the world as a whole?

xxo

P.S. Listen to Sara Bareilles' "Fairytale" if you want a new anthem to fight off the damsel in distress illusion.