I danced in high school for my school's team. This experience undoubtedly shaped much of who I am as a woman today. It taught me leadership skills. It taught me teamwork and held me in a beautiful sisterhood. It brought important friendships into my life, and confidence in myself in many areas.
It also brought with it self-doubt and comparison. I only started dancing in high school. I didn't have great technique. I had rhythm and a strong presence when performing, but I often felt shaky in my double pirouettes, or inflexible and lacking power in my leaps. I compared myself to the girls on the team that were taller and had beautiful long limbs. I compared myself to the girls on the team that were more popular in school. I compared myself to my best friends on the team and allowed my ego to get in the way.
This feeling of mediocrity was one that held me back later in life. I stopped dancing after high school outside of the comfort and familiarity of that team. I found my way to yoga and was able to express myself through movement that way-something I'm eternally grateful for. When I tell someone I used to dance I often do it in a self-depricating way, just thinking about the caliber of dancers we see now on shows like So You Think You Can Dance, all over YouTube, and other media outlets.
Several months ago when I applied for my current job as a dance and yoga teacher to middle schoolers I remember thinking, "I can fake this for four weeks. I've got basic knowledge and will basically throw myself into any position just to get on this school campus." The weeks leading up to the start of the program I began to feel anxious and nervous. I hadn't danced in front of a mirror for close to a decade. A.DECADE. I felt incredibly self-conscious going to The Well to use a fitness room to choreograph a routine for the camp. I was small in my movement and shy about even just looking at my body and how it moved. I eventually put some eight-counts together that I thought at least would be good enough and walked into the first day of teaching.
What I discovered over these first few days of camp is that I know a lot more than I give myself credit for. I may not be as flexible as I would like. I may not be as thin or strong as I want. My choreography may be basic and simple. I may not know the english translation to every french term (looking at you battement...I mean, I literally had to google "ballet terms" to even figure out how to spell it). BUT. I am a dancer. I am me. And I am good enough.
xxo
