More From Paris
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Home Videos Are Making A Comeback
Before I left for Paris I purchased a Canon G7xii. I wanted a smaller digital camera to bring with me to capture videos of the trip. I knew I wanted it to be more than just five second clips for social media, and by using a digital camera versus my phone, I thought I’d get higher quality footage.
It felt like I was transported back to childhood, when my dad would bring out the video camera and record, whether it was the mundane (we have several tapes of us just eating dinner) or the exciting (Disneyland trips, dance competitions, etc.). I also had flashbacks to junior high (scary) when I was in the film club and made music videos and PSA’s.
Getting all of the Paris footage onto my computer after the trip, rewatching the experience, I felt so happy and satisfied in editing and putting these videos together. I’ve embedded the longest one - it’s pretty much a collection of all of our moments in Paris. But I’ve also uploaded a video of our time at The Palace of Versailles and Paris Disneyland to my channel, as well as two shorter videos that are within the 20 minute video - Cute Neighborhoods and the Arc de Triomphe.
Enjoy!
It's Worth The Risk
This past weekend I participated in my first craft/art fair in Diamond Springs. This event was hosted by Gather, and more specifically, by Ellen. The goal of Gather is “to support and encourage local women artists/makers and learn from them.” I already have a wonderful example of hustle and hard work through my bestie Betsy. The opportunity to finally be involved in an event like this as an artist and seller was both exciting and nerve-wracking.
When I arrived to set up on Sunday afternoon I felt an immediate sense of inadequacy and the need to compare myself to others. It was obvious that the other women there were seasoned veterans at events like Gather. I began comparing my set-up to theirs, my work to theirs, and my success to theirs. But then something really cool happened, something I’ve worked really hard over the years to cultivate…I let go of the comparing and the self-doubt and celebrated both myself and the other women there. I’ve worked so hard to stay focused on myself, on my work, and my own progress. I want to be a woman that champions other women and lifts them up, but not at the expense of putting myself down or diminishing my own talent, work, and accomplishments. I made it a point after I got my booth set up to take a lap around the others and introduce myself to as many people as I could. What I’ve learned in life is that we’re all nervous, we all compare ourselves to others to some degree. If I can be the one to speak up first, to put others at ease while also calming my own nerves, then it’s work the risk.
I would say that this first show was successful in that I met great people, got wonderful feedback on my work, and came up only $20 in the hole for expenses! I’m hopeful that I can try my hand again at a makers market, ideally more local to Sacramento. When I do, I hope to see you out there!
Temptation in Paris
The allure was undeniable. Just a little dabble and I knew I’d get the dopamine hit. I had it in the palm of my hand…Instagram, that is. I wish this was a more sultry story. But true to who I am, the real temptation wasn’t in a sexy French man, but in social media.
It’s been four months now of being social media free, and on this trip to Paris I came face-to-face with real temptation to get back on Instagram to post photos and videos of the amazing city I was exploring. One of my goals in being off of social media was to do things for me, and not for the internet; I wanted to fully experience the moments I was in without worrying about capturing content for my feed.
Paris is so magical for me. There’s incredible culture and diversity. I loved listening to the different languages and accents walking through the streets and sitting in cafes. I shot five rolls of film and was able to capture memories on video as well. I knew though that if I was taking photos and videos on my iPhone I’d be pulling myself out of the experience, whether it was mildly or blatantly. Every time I think about social media and the desire to post and garner attention, it comes back to the insecure feelings of adolescence and wanting to be popular and well liked. I needed to be validated by other people, told I was pretty or worthy or cool. What better way to show off that I was cool and special than by posting pictures of Paris while everyone else I knew was still back in their daily routine.
This is the downside of social media - we post the cool and unique experiences as if they were the every-day experiences, and then we get caught in a trap of thinking everyone else is doing cool shit 24/7, when in reality we spend 95% of our year at our desk.
Each frame on my film camera is engrained into my memory. I took my time. I was patient with getting the shot and waiting for people to clear out, or looking for different angles and perspectives. I know that my worth and happiness do not depend on the internet for validation.
Women Are Still In Emotional Bondage
“Women are still in emotional bondage as long as we need to worry that we might have to make a choice between being heard and being loved.” Marianne Williamson wrote these words. She is also responsible for one of my favorite passages,
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
I am writing this on the day before I leave for a retreat with the high school girls that I work with. As you are reading this though it will already be underway. One of the things I love about these retreats is the space it creates to reflect, to connect, and to let go. The girls don’t take their phones, and I, for the most part, keep mine tucked away as well. We spend time alone and together, in a large group and in small groups.
This retreat greatly impacted my life last year. And this year, as I go into it again, I’m changed even more by the fact that I’ll be starting my masters program in marriage and family therapy in the fall. This is what makes me vibrate with joy and purpose. This is just the beginning for me and my career path. I want to work with girls and women to remove that fear of making a choice to either be heard or to be loved. I want to work for a world in which we are both heard and loved.